Stan's Journal
by snackysmores
Summary: The personal journal of a 24-year-old bleeding-heart dog-sitter named Stan Marsh.
1. Chapter 1

I'm not a qualified animal psychologist, but I'm pretty sure my dog Sparky (who passed nearly a year ago) had separation anxiety.

He was left alone a lot, especially when my sister and I moved away for college. When I moved back in to save money/pay off debts there were a lot of changes (like having a new little sister), but nothing in the schedule changed to give Sparky the time and attention a pet deserved. I saw these gaps in the day where he'd be alone if I wasn't there. I couldn't stand to hear him whining as he stared out the window, so I turned into one of those homebody dog-people. I didn't get much done during that time I'll admit it, but that's a sacrifice I was willing to make because Sparky was my dog and I loved him.

Putting so much of myself into being with Sparky left me feeling very isolated and vulnerable when he died. Whenever I focus too much on the memory of his tired body going cold and still in my arms I start crying.

Despite my hate of facebook, I did post something on my wall about Sparky passing, trying to keep the volume of my own feelings from spilling into it. Family members "liked" it in solidarity (which always seemed fucked up to me), but only Butters and Big Gay Al commented. That didn't really surprise me.

What did surprise me was Kyle messaging me. It'll take a fresh entry to cover everything that happened there, but the short version is that I flew to Florida to see him and it was just what I needed to recover from losing Sparky.

At least, that's what I thought.

When I got home, I found out that my mom had adopted a new dog. A puppy. Once all the playing and laughing wore off after a few nights it dawned on me.

What the fuck was my mom thinking getting a new dog? Who's going to take care of her?

Months later, I'm still taking the lion's share of watching Becky, and honestly? It really pisses me off. I'm sick and tired of living with my family. Whenever I try to breach the subject with my mom she gets all defensive and says 'fine let's just get rid of her'.

I don't want to get rid of her, but I didn't want to get her in the first place either!

Kyle's floated the idea of me moving in with him, and my dad has told me not to factor Becky into my plans, but it just feels wrong. I don't want to leave her here alone. I love her too.  
>Things could be worse if that's the biggest problem I have right now, but it's really eating me up inside because of the experience I had with Sparky, and for some fucked up reason it's fallen on me to make it all better.<p>

So, here's my plan:  
>my mom how I feel<br>Becky somewhere she'll be loved and cared for. (Possible somewheres: Big Gay Al's Animal Sanctuary or Butters)  
>Kyle I want to move in with him.<p>

He lives in housing with other Disney Park employees, but I can crash there as a guest and hopefully get a job with him. That should be sweet, right? Going to work at a Disney theme park?

I feel a little better now, writing that all out, but I better go and let Becky out of her kennel.


	2. Chapter 2

I was really big on Disney films as a kid. It's silly, but it really was like this magical and wholesome thing my family could enjoy together.  
>I was too young to remember it, but I keep hearing the story about the time that Mom took Shelly and I to see the Lion King at the movie theater, and Shelly cried all day because Mufasa died. When Dad came home from work Shelly grabbed hold of him and wouldn't let go.<p>

My family can't really muster up the spirit to watch movies together anymore, but we had a good run I guess. I didn't mind too much, because Wendy and Kyle were still into it.

In high school, just about all of my friends got involved in a production of Beauty and the Beast, and there was a lot of drama about the casting. In the end, I think Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison did a pretty good job keeping it all from imploding.

I was going to tear out the cast page from my old playbook but I'll write it down instead. I'm just sitting here with Becky anyway. Nichole played Belle, Token played the Beast, Craig played Gaston (with Clyde as LeFou), Tweek played Maurice, Kenny played Lumiere, Bebe played Babette, Kyle played Cogsworth, Cartman played Mrs. Potts, Butters played Chip, and that covers everyone I got along with in the cast.

Wendy and I were let down because we wanted to play Bellle and the Beast, but we more or less led the crew as stage manager and prop master, and it payed off with us getting to play the Proctors in The Crucible the next year (Kenny and Bebe led the crew that time. Cartman put on a really over the top Judge Hathorne).

I had one of my dad's IPAs out of the fridge before I started writing so there is a reason I'm rambling. Point is, Kyle and I are big on Disney shit, so going to visit Kyle and Disney World at the same time was awesome. How did such an awesome thing happen? Well, unfortunately my dog Sparky had to die first.

Sparky died, I made a post about it on my facebook wall, and the same night Kyle sent me a message for the first time in ages.

_'dude are you ok?'_

It might not seem like much to anyone else, but I really felt overwhelmed and I gushed to Kyle for the rest of the night in messenger and then on the phone. I think it took me four hours before I finally shut myself up and started asking about what he'd been up to.

Trying to get noticed as an actor in LA had been really hard and really expensive, so Kyle moved back in with his folks, who had moved to Florida since Gerald got a job as a corporate lawyer for Disney. Specifically, his parents live in Celebration, which is this weirdly perfect community where a lot of Disney employees live.

With his dad as a reference, Kyle got a job as a "character actor" at the Magic Kingdom park, and with two employees in the family, the Broflovskis have more free passes than they know what to do with.

So, free park passes, plus a free place to stay, plus free miles from Kyle's mom, Kyle quickly worked up a plan to bring me out to visit for a proper vacation.

My dad's home with groceries and he looks pissed off, so I'm going to crate Becky and see if I can help him out. I'll cover the trip next time. I still haven't talked to my mom like I wanted to, but maybe a good opportunity will present itself soon.


	3. Chapter 3

So, Kyle said he'd basically been waiting for me to ask, but I can come down whenever. It'll be a few weeks though, because booking any sooner would be too expensive.

I told my parents I'm moving out asap, and I segued into laying out what Becky needs. She's going to be okay. My parents technically raised two kids, so another kid and a dog ought to be doable. They're the ones that decided to bring them into the family, so that's their responsibility.

My emotional state has been a bit more stable since I started journaling and stopped drinking. Well, hard liquor. I stopped drinking hard liquor. I still mooch beers off of my dad, which is good because it slows us both down.

Now that I'm thinking about hard liquor though, I am looking forward to getting a little on the flight to Florida. I got a little coupon for a freebie last time. I really like drinking out of those tiny bottles because I feel like a tipsy giant afterward. Flying is too stressful not to have just one drink.

Won't be able to smoke weed, have to consider that. Again, this isn't something I'm doing all the time right now, but if I'm just watching a dog and daytime tv then why not? I know I won't go looking for it in Florida, so that must mean I'm not too dependent.

Kyle might have some. We smoked his one-hitter in the garage before hitting the parks a few times.

The thing I really have to think about adjusting to is the heat. I was spared the heat when I went, but that's because it was dumping rain a lot. In a way it helped separate me from South Park, where it's always so frigid and dry. The after-the-rain smells were awesome.

Getting to Kyle's place had been stressful because it was really late and the taxi driver didn't seem to know where he was going. I was starving and Kyle had cold pizza waiting for me. He stayed up with me, watching Star Trek TNG until I passed out on the couch. I woke up feeling very jetlagged the next morning, but we hit Harbucks for coffee and decided to go to Epcot first, leaving the better parks for later.

Epcot...Kinda sucks? The part of the park with all the miniature countries is cool visually, and they hire people native to those countries in the staff, but I was hoping for actual rides. We ate at the miniature french restaurant, which was super expensive and not worth the price obviously. The store in the Japanese pavilion had some cool stuff, but they had an art gallery comparing ancient myths with anime, and in the display for cat demons and nekomimi they listed Rei Ayanami as an example. I had to write a comment card about it, because Rei is most certainly not a cat demon, and Kyle told me I was a huge nerd. They serve beer and wine in all the parks, which was news to me.

Honestly, everything but the Magic Kingdom Park and Universal Studios I could do without. Animal Kingdom had two good rides, Hollywood Studios was utterly forgettable, and since it was raining the whole time we didn't bother with the water park. We went shopping instead and hit this new arcade. The cover charge was ridiculous, the place was overcrowded, and multiple machines I tried to play on had something wrong with them. I'm complaining about it now, but I was always having a good time because Kyle was there. Sometimes we'd get to the front of a line for a ride, and I wished we had more time to finish a conversation.

I could catalog our every movement at the Magic Kingdom, because that was one of the days Kyle committed us to taking a lot of pictures with characters around the park. (He still hasn't told me who he dresses up as for work, it must be something embarrassing)

We hit all of the rides we wanted to multiple times, but they weren't able to do fireworks because of the weather. Our last day was Universal, but it was mostly just spent in the Harry Potter section. We waited two hours to get wands, we drank butterbeer and actual beer, we went on the same rides over and over again until Kyle admitted he was starting to feel sick.

I know when I see Kyle again it's not going to be like going to a theme park everyday...But it kinda seems like it. Being around him again really drove home how dumb I'd been to let us grow apart at all. He went to LA to be an actor, and I really did want to go with him, but...I went to state, thinking I'd play football. It's what my parents expected of me. Turns out I suck at football and going to college and not binge-drinking. Kyle said his story isn't too different from mine, but the difference is that I think he's a very talented actor. Definitely has a flair for the dramatic. Here's hoping the next few weeks pass by quickly, and that I don't have to write too much about being a sad sack in my journal.


End file.
